What would I do

I love love this song!. Of course Ms. Ingrid Michaelson is the truth!
But I can't get this song on MP3 format, I think she only performed this specially for that audience, because it's not on her albums -__- (ah tragic)

But the song is so catchy, and it speaks the truth. We often complain about lost love, or just complain in general. But in reality how would life be if there was nothing to complain or cry about? I guess it's just the balance of it all. (:

simply amazinggg!


PS- sorry that in the beginning the audience is kinda slow and couldn't get the melody of the song O_O
But I DO NOT own this vid. This is not my footage! Some kind soul on YouTube put it up so i just had to take it real quick (:

There is Fire on the Mountain.

Hey there.
I apologize for taking so long to update this blog of mine. With all that goes on in life it's hard to make time to actually sit and write down the deepest thoughts within.

But I found some time, however, it's going to be hard to fill you in on EVERYTHING that has been going on. But I'll try.

Not too long ago I took a little road trip to Philly to visit my dear husband CMHA! I was accompanied by my homie D, and the newest addition to the crew Ms Lisa Marie. (:
I had a wonderful time out there. It was so great to see Chelz and all my other homies I met at Aquinas. It helped me feel a bit more independent because it was my first road trip without my family or any "adults". My homie Lisa drove the whole way there and back. It kinda motivated me to work on that license of mine, so that next road trip we can just alternate drivers (:
But anyways, there was a point during our weekend in Philly that got a little rocky and we almost left a day early. There was some unresolved tension between two of my good friends, and to be quite honest, even after our little intervention, I don't think the issue was really resolved. More like brushed under the rug simply to avoid further conflict. But I don't know. I hope they find time to truly work it and make sure its 100% good.

But after some tears and tough love, we decided to stay and make the best of it. We headed out to Hooters that night and had a wonderful evening!
Spending that weekend out there with my closest homies made me truly appreciate them. I genuinely enjoy their company and can full be myself and comfortable around them. See I'm the type of person who doesn't really get close to people. Even if we chill for a while, it's hard for me to fully connect, and most of the time I'm extremely nonchalant about things. But being around such a group of amazing girls makes my heart melt. I love each one of them. Even Lisa and Memanda, though I just recently started talking and chillin with them. I just enjoy real and honest people, who are okay just being themselves. No matter what.

So once we got back to NY I was back on my usual school flow and counting down the days till the wonderful and amazing Ingrid Michaelson's concert. I was SOOO excited. I went with my homie D and my boy Jayson, who I hadn't seen in like forever!.
THE SHOW WAS AMAZINGGG! I adore Ingrid because to me she is such a REAL and down to earth performer. She's goofy and entertaining and reminds me of someone I would hang out with on a daily basis. (: And as we stood there watching the show, we just so happened to stand next to the VIP section and ended up conversing with Ally Moss' mother. XD (she's one of Ingrid's background singers and guitarist)
Overall the night was unforgettable, not to mention we were like 10ft away from Ingrid right before she skipped away into her dressing room XD

Overall, life is amazing. I'm enjoying all the positive aspects of it. Although there are some rough patches, nothing compares to the joy and warmth I feel when I'm surrounded by positive and genuine people. I intend on living to the fullest extent and learn to love myself along the way. So far it's going pretty good (:

So tomorrow I will be chillin with my homie Diamond and Lisa, and I think my Bro is rolling with us too, (wish Chelz was here to make it complete =/) but we'll vid chat if anything. Tomorrow will be a chill out day with the crew, and I hope to have a good time XD

Peace and Love!

Our Swords

So I'm trying to squeeze in some blogging time here. While my brother blasts some rock music, Band of Horses- Our Swords to be exact, the song is pretty sweet so I felt it's only right to title this blog that.

Yesterday I wasn't feeling well at all. I went to the gym with my friend Sam, who I recently met in school, and we were exhausted! My whole body was aching, it still is actually. So when I got home my house was a mess, as always, so I called my mom to complain and she hung up on me >=| I HATE when people just hang up on me so I was livid! She doesn't know how to interact with people in a positive way and when I try and talk to her she just shuts me off and says that I'm trying to lecture her. -____- The never ending battle with that woman.

I was annoyed and tired, and I tried and just disregard it and keep on with my day, but she killed the day for me. So I went to sleep at like 8 and didn't wake up till 8 this morning. But now that I'm up I'm still feeling a bit blah -__-
I hate when I feel like this because I ruins everything for me. And it makes me feel weak and unmotivated, I guess it creates this somewhat temporary psychosomatic problem. I'm in a gray spell at the moment

My mind is definitely in a very negative place so everything I think about is just horrible. I'm trying to get it together but it's hard. And I know you're probably thinking like it's not that big a deal, so why am I tripping?!
But it's far deeper than that. It's suppressed emotions that need to come out and be released! It's not only my relationship with my mother thats bothering me. and I wish I could speak in more detail but it's a bit personal. And some things I just wish to not share with the public.



^^ I LOVE his emotions in this song. I guess that the intensity of his words is how I feel right now. Not necessarily what he's saying in his lyrics per say, but just his raw emotions. I want to just yell and blurt out everything thats on my mind.
But I think I'm just in a very weak point in time. So I'm going to cool it and do something to get me in the right track again.

Hopefully I'll be better next time I update.

CHEESE

OH YEA!

Finally got my video to work!
Had to do it through YouTube, instead of directly uploading it like I did before, But I'm happy either way (:

feel the breeze. . .I mean REALLY feel it

Hey hey!

Just trying to update here.
So I'm a little bummed because my webcam keeps lagging, quite terribly actually, so it's hard for me to post videos because the time is not syncing up "/ which really sucks because i love making videos.
Oh well, I hope I work it out soon

So basically what I was trying to put on my video, I'll just write out.
Yesterday I hung out with my friend Diamond and we went to Best Buy to check out some laptops for her. While in the process of browsing some awesome computers, we also checked out the musical instrument section where my little brother and I proceeded to rock out at the drum section. XD We created beautiful world music (but it kinda just sounded like a whole bunch of banging w. a Spanish twist) O_O LOL
Either way I had a blast! I also hit up the acoustic guitar section where I strummed around with a simple 6string.


So once we were done with that we headed to Staples to meet up with her parents, and that's where her parents decided they would purchase an HP Pavilion light weight laptop with 4G RAM and 500 GB hard drive. Pretty sweet huh!

Then we headed back to my house and watched one of my favorite movies, Loving Annabelle. If you haven't watched it, it's an amazing love story about forbidden love. It's a gay themed movie, so if you're not into that stuff don't watch it. But if you're a fan of romance movies, I definitely suggest it.

We also listened to Ingrid Michaelson's new album, which is AMAZING! We are going to see her perform live at Webster Hall on Sept. 16 with our other friend Jayson. I got the privilege of purchasing the tickets online and they are locked away in a secret place until the day of the concert. n_n
I'M SO EXCITED!
I'm a sucker for great music!

Anyways so this morning I woke up feeling like today was my day to just chill alone at the crib. Even though my other friends invited me to the beach, I just had to bail because I wasn't really in the mood. I felt a little bad though because I've been cancelling on them a lot lately and I know they might be getting annoyed with that. o.o
But idk, I guess I just feel a little more comfortable with my main circle of friends. And I love my other friends please don't get me wrong, especially since I've known some of them since middle school (I wouldn't admit this to them) but due to a series of previous events that shall remain unspoken, I don't feel 100% comfortable around them lately. . I keep saying Them in a plural sense, but the truth is it's only one friend. -____-

But enough of that... My husband is leaving soon, and I'm going to REALLLLLYYY miss her! Tomorrow shall be a day dedicated strictly to her! We shall make it great, we shall make it fun, we shall make it forever memorable!!
I LOVE HER!! XD
I'm working on my license so that I can visit her in Philly

She's someone who I value as a friend and am glad is a part of my life (and no I'm not just saying that because I know she'll read this lol)

Well this is all for now
Much love and Peace (:

Turn around to see faces my mind doesn't recognize.

So it has been EXTREMELY long since my last post.
(Whoa can you say lazy much?)

ANYWAYS. All is well with me. Summer has died down and is coming to an end, for I start school this up coming friday. o_o

I've tried to add some people on facebook that are going to be freshmans at Lehman simply to break the ice a little. And to try and make some friend before I just plundge into school all scared and nervous.
Na I'm lying I won't be all scared but it is a bit nerve racking to start all over with the whole making friends process.

But I'm waiting for my financial aid office to mail me a check so that I can purchase my books for the semester.

Oh just as an update, I purchase a new laptop and have been fooling around with the features a bit. So i recorded a video last night after a day out with my friends.

I look a little funny in the vid. And I recorded another video prior to that one, so when I begin talking I introduce myself again. So if you get confused thats the reason why lol (:

Well here's the vid-->


Well I guess this is all for now. I apologize again if I look a mess in my vid LOL.
And also for not speaking in depth of all i've done since my last post.
I will fill you in gradually lol (:

Much love and peace!

Oh she's such a charmer!

HEY!
I know it's been quite sometime since my last post.
Gosh soo much has occured!

Well for one, that party I mentioned in my previous post turned out to be pretty cool. I did have a bit too much to drink and ended up spooning my cousin O_O (please don't judge) LOL!
I'm just kidding, we did end up falling asleep in the same bed, but no touching was invovled, because that would of been extremely creepy lol
But anyways
After that I kind of just chilled out for a bit and the next day I hung out with my homie D and kicked it with her family. I had such a good time! Her family was so welcoming and nice to me, it was great!

So a couple of days later I planned on going to the Nuyorican Poets Cafe again (you know the poetry spot I went for my birthday)and this time I actually wanted to perform. So I did! It's on youtube. Check me out! (:
It was a great night, and I spent it with some cool ass friends. Even though I was a little bummed at first because my twin was away on a road trip and my husband was out in Philly for school. But the night turned out great! (:
I'm going to keep writing and hopefully perfect the art of poetry so that I can perform more often.

So my friends and I have been discussing some ideas for a video blog documenting our experiences in college. I think it's a pretty sweet idea especially since we all love to talk so much and our lives just seem to be movie worthy at times lol. I think it'll be quite entertaining since we all have our own distinct personalities and have established this bond that makes it all worth watching (:
Let's hope all goes well and we can pull it off.

"One day we'll look back and reminise on the days when we were young"

Manos al aire

Hey Hey!

So music is rocking my world at the moment XD

I should be getting ready to head out to Brooklyn in a bit. It's my aunt's birthday and she's going to party it up. And I do believe its an 18 and over type of party 0.0 lol Let's see how that goes.
But my cousin's are going to be there so I'm sure it'll be cool. Although they get pretty wild, and I'm not sure I'm really in the mood for that >.>
But anyways I'm going to make the best of it.

But let me fill you in on what I've been doing.
I've been working out on intense mode! I don't know, I just have trouble really being satisfied with my body. And it's like people can tell you that you look fine, but if you yourself do not believe it or feel that way then it's pointless. I just want to be happy with my body image. And if I ever feel like I'm slipping to a point where I develop a disorder I will seek help immediately! (o.o)
But um, yeaa its been work outs and dancing non stop this week.
I've felt really creative and just wanted to release those emotions through my movements.
I've always wanted to fully commit myself to dance but I always procrastinate or just end up doing something else. But I think I'm an OK dancer if I'm really feeling the music (primarily contemporary pieces). but i DEFINITELY need some work.

Well who knows maybe I'll fool around with some dance in college. I mean Lehman is known for its Art and Music department. (:

But for now I'm going to rock out to some music and prepare to have a blast tonight XD

This here is deadly

But speaking of live shows. Last night I hit up SOB's in downtown Manhattan and saw the beautiful and talented Laura Izibor play live.




I think she's such a wonderful performer and her music is incredible. I was literally like 5ft away from her and she was so graceful and comfortable up on stage. She seemed to have such a mellow attitude and didn't have that diva vibe. She just kind of kicked it with us and talked with us through out her whole set. If you haven't checked her out, you don't know what you're missing!






This is a vid of a performance she did at Joe's Pub in February. She's Playing If Tonight is My Last, one of my favorite tracks on the record. My homie D took some footage of last nights performance, so when I get it I'll put it up. (:

si c'est l'amour vous avez besoin de. . . . .

So I'm a Big fan of French Music and I've studied French for about 3 years. I think that France is absolutely beautiful! I was there last summer living it up XD. And I picked up a couple CD's while I was out there. I must say I am a big fan of Shy'm, Zaho, Diam, Vitaa etc. But I posted this video because I think that Shy'm is absolutely GORGEOUS. She's soo beautiful and her voice is amazing. My goal is to see her live one of these days. Or whenever I save enough cash to go back to France. (:

Sideways

You know it ain't easy
For these thoughts here to leave me
There's no words to describe it
In French or in English

'Cause diamonds, they fade
And flowers they bloom
And I'm telling you

These feelings won't go away
They've been knocking me sideways
They've been knocking me out lately
Whenever you come around me

These feelings won't go away
They've been knocking me sideways
I keep thinking in a moment that
Time will take them away

But these feelings won't go away
These feelings won't go away. . . . .



Ever felt this way??
It's amazing how the simplest things can ignite a memory, and have you tripping all over again. . .

give me that electric feel, high tempo

HEY!
I know it's been a while. But it's quite difficult to be consistant with my posts I'm sorry. X/

Anyways, so my summer is going pretty good so far. I think it's because I'm just going with the flow of things.
I find that if you set expectations in life, you'll surely be disappointed because life is so unpredictable.
To me summer is the season of being free, enjoying the warm weather, and trying not to get wrapped up in any frivolous drama
But it's amazing how summer is the season where there is the most drama.
It's the time when sweet love stories are created and only to end with a painful heartache. I think the warm weather makes people go a little crazy.

Believe me, I am the prime example of this. I'm quite the impulsive person and if it seems good at the moment I just go for it completely disregarding the consequences. But I'm 18 now and I'm really trying to get it together, and so far life is so amazing.
I'm trying not to get wrapped up in any nonsense and just live my life the best I can. But still have fun at the same time ;) lol
I have definitely learned from past summers, especially last summer when I allowed myself to open up more than I usually do, and ended up getting crushed. It took MONTHS to get over it. I swear new years hit and anytime her name was brought up I was still tripping.
But I vowed that NEVER AGAIN will I allow that to happen. I kind of blamed myself for ever expecting more from her. Which goes back to my initial statement that in life it's not good to have expectaions, because you're only setting yourself up for heartache.
I've learned not to rush things and just let them happen on their own.

Now please don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that every summer relationship is destined to fail, because there are definitely some exceptions. And to those who have that meaningful relationship, hold on to it and make it work. It might get a little rocky but if it's meant to be then it's meant to be (:













Wellll enough about this love business. I've actually been checking out this band that is popular in the UK but is slowly coming up in the states. They're called The Noisettes. I really like their sound, they're pretty sweet. I've definitely been rocking to them on my playlist this past month.

I'm also a hopeless romantic so I def want to check out this movie that comes out this friday called The Ugly Truth.
I also want to watch 500 Days of Summer, I Love You Beth Cooper, and Bandslam.
I'm hoping to watch all of these movies this summer.
By the way, am I the only one who thinks the announcer for the movies has an AMAZING voice XD. Ah its great

Anyways, I guess this is all for now.

Much love and Peace

you used to get it in your fishnets, now you only get it in your nightdress...

Hey Hey Blog World!
Sorry I have been M.I.A. for quite some time. I needed a moment to just redirect my thoughts, and also partially because I'm a bit lazy to write all the time. [o.o]

Anyways...
So I could fill you in on what's been happening in my life, but its been so long since I've updated I may have forgotten every detail. So lets just highlight the important things

First off July 4 was pretty cool. I spent it at my aunts house with some of my homies and family. My good friend D had to bounce a little early, and my mom got a little tipsy so they left together, but I stayed and kicked it with my homies Figgy, Chana, and my boy Steven.
From there we proceeded to ask Steven about how it feels to have a penis. [o.o] Because as girls we were always curious about the male anatomy (even though we were all pretty gay) LOL. But he was such a good sport with us, he answered all of our questions honestly and as open as possible. He's one of the coolest straight dudes I know and I'm happy he made the night so interesting and entertaining.

{uhhhh. . . . . . total memory block moment}

So I can't really remember anything that happened from then till now. I know I chilled a lot and like kicked it with the fam a bit. Ah maybe it's just late that's why I can't remember.

But the day before yesterday I went to kick it at my cousin's crib to play some rockband with my little cousins. I'm actually pretty sick on the drums, I can't say I'm an expert but I'm definitely progressing. But then my homie love came and we sat and made fun of retarded music videos and laughed our asses off all through the night. But because I was so preoccupied with my fun and laughter, I failed to notice the time. It was already 1 something in the morning and My curfew was at 12 O-o.... My mother basically FLIPPED on me and now I'm grounded =_=

SMH so in the meantime I've been napping and listening to music.

I'm kind of really hoping that my summer can get a little more interesting.
But Monday is my sugar love shnookums pie's birthday aka My dear husband CMHA. And she suggested we go to this karaoke place, which I'm reallly excited about XD. . . I hope to have a blast, plus I get to see her beautiful face so it's perfect LOL

But speaking of birthdays. Today. . . .well yesterday was my first girlfriend's birthday (you know the one I mentioned in my first post) but uhh yeaa, I had to hit her up and wish her a very happy birthday because it was only right and plus it gave me an excuse to talk to her. LOL (: but it was cool. It brings me joy to know that she's happy and enjoying where she is in life.

But I'm pretty mellow right now. I vowed to make this summer a pleasant one and one that I would enjoy and remember. And so far its pretty memorable lol (: [for reasons that are evident in my blog and for reasons that shall remain unsaid XD]

But this is all for now because it's pretty late and a lady needs her sleep (:
Remember life is meant to teach you, whether you know it or not, it's fragile but it can make you strong.

two birds sitting on a wire. . .

Today is July 2, exactly 18 years since I came into this crazy, amazing world accompanied by my twin Mr. Ray XD

I'm feeling a bit emotional at the moment. I'm not exactly sure why though. Like I am EXTREMELY happy I could cry. I have experienced so much and I am so proud of myself for making it this far, with the guidence of my mother of coarse. 18 is a big deal for me because it changes how people in society label me. I can legally vote, buy cigarettes, be in a porno, and be convicted as an adult. 0-0 lol

But most importantly I am so proud that I share my birthday with someone who is growing up to be quite a wonderful and talented man. My twin and I haven't always been that close and honestly we're quite the opposite, but he shares the closest connection with me. So much that I tattooed the cancer symbol on my wrist. Not only because astrologically I'm a cancer but because the symbol forms the position my brother and I were in when in my mother's stomach.
It means so much to me because he's kind of the ying to my yang. Even if I don't always show it I love my brother beyond words.





I also wish my dad was around to see how much we've grown. We have transformed into young adults and have transitioned through life with little of his guidence. Though I must admit I still hold some resentment in my heart for him may he R.I.P and know that I love him and miss him. And it pains me to admit I am seen as the epitome of my father. smh But dam He and my brother are the only men I love! And my birthday would be incomplete without acknowledging the foundation they have set for me.

But enough with that, I'm not trying to get all sad with my daddy talk.

I have to share that last night was AMAZINGG! My good friend Diamond and my dear husband CMHA took my bro and I out to the Nuyorican Poets Cafe. It was open mic night with hip-hop poetry and jazz. Oh man it was great! There is soooo much talent out there and I hope to go again soon and maybe show off some of my skills. (:
Gosh I love my friends! They know the way to my heart--> Great music, poetry, nature, pretty people, cake, and soup. And last night they got 5 out of the 6 things on the list. It was greattttt!!! XDD

These are the memories I will cherish forever. ahh I can't stop smiling.
I can see myself chillen when I'm 80 years old reminising on the time I heard some amazing poetry with some of the closest people in my life and ended the night by laying in the middle of the street afraid I would get ticketed by the cops, but doing it because it felt great!
I love it!

Well I guess this is all for today

Much love and peace

mobile post...

Hey blog world.

I'm currently on my mobile phone because the computer is unavailable at the moment. So unfortunately this post will be a little short.

But I just need to share that yesterday was the NYC Gay Pride Parade and of coarse I had to go to show support to my community. I had a blast! There were so many people and A LOT of sexy ladies. However, it seemed like everyone was in a relationship -__- like there were hardly any cute single girls. But I still had a good time just looking. I even ran into my homie V from Queens who I hadn't seen in a while.

Ah it was great because I love that it gave people the opportunity to come together as a community and celebrate the fact that we're out and proud and capable of achieving greatness despite our orientation and the non-support of others. It truely made me feel proud and accepted to be among so many gay people (:

Please forgive this short post. I'll get back on it ASAP

Much love and Peace!

let's spin it slow forever. . .

So Sup !?
Time for an update on this here blog.

I'm currently trying to relax a bit, maybe head out with my other half (the twin) and some friends later tonight.
But let me fill you in on whats been going on with me.

June 25 I chilled out at the park around my neighborhood with my little brother and one of my oldest friends, Figgy. They had this block party thing going on where they were celebrating Hip-Hop, so of coarse I was having a blast just watching all of the old school people break dancing and vibing to the music. It was great! It was there that I first heard the news of the great Michael Jackson passing away, as we all shared a moment of silence in his memory.
It was a sad time because we lost someone who made a MAJOR contribution to the music industry and definitely made history. However, it is always good to see the better side of things and depending on your beliefs he is off in a better place now.
So my brother, Figgy, and I continued to enjoy the wonderful weather and admire the nature around us. We sat and chit chatted a bit about our pasts and shared stories about our adventures in elementary school. I was truely at peace because it's these simple moments that really touch my heart.




AH I LOVE NATURE !!








Oh and I brought my skateboard to the park, just to ride around and have a little fun, however I am not at all a good skateboarder, I can barely cruise right. So as I'm playing around this group of like pro boarders come into the area where we were and they're like doing all these tricks and flips. And they kept looking over at me and I just kind of stood there like a scared duck staring aimlessly at my board and the first thing that came to my mind was to hide it because if they saw it then they'll know I'm just a wanksta skateboarder lol So i hid it behind the benches and casually sat there as if I was deep in conversation with my little brother lol smh. It was kind of funny XD

So fast forward a bit. Today I had my WISE program. It's kind of this new program that one of my friend's sponsor launched to just mentor young women and help them transition into college. It's pretty cool. And today we had to prepare a one minute speech introducing ourselves. I must admit I'm not the best at public speaking and I was a bit nervous but overall I felt I did pretty well. (: I hope to practice as much as I can so that when I speak people can't help but listen and be in awe at my amazing skills lol

So I've been in a good mood this whole week. It's amazing, I love feeling like this because it just makes life worth living. Like the moments that can make you smile and feel so incredibly peaceful despite the million distractions or turmoil elsewhere as long as you have peace within it's all good (:
Now please don't get me wrong, I'm not always happy and chipper and lately I've been surprisingly optimistic but I definitely have my moody and slightly bitchy side. LOL

ahh welp I've got to get going the shower awaites n_n

Love and Peace!

simply hold me like you care. . .

Hey there.
I guess it's about that time for an update (:
So at this particular moment I'm feeling quite content. My mood is so free and light I love it X]
However, let me rewind a bit and fill you in on my day.

Today I had to handle some paperwork regarding school but then I met up with a friend of mine, who shall remain anonymous, and we decided to head over to the Bronx Zoo since its free on Wednesdays
and as we traveled through this vast area filled with beautiful creatures of nature it started to rain -__-
Now as much as I love nature I sure hate the rain! but for some reason i stayed. . . It was something about being with my friend that made it kinda cool to travel around in horrible weather lol. It made the experience much more real as if we were actually traveling through an exotic tropical rainforest.
I guess my favorite animal of the day was the Asian Red Panda:
Its just so darn cutee! i love it XD








Anyways after our adventures at the zoo, we decided to head back to my neighborhood and get a bite to eat. Then i took her to my roof. . [just as a side note I have NEVER taken anyone to my roof, its kind of a forbidden place] but it was something I didn't mind sharing with her. See my roof is the spot that I love to go to and just chill alone. When you stand there you can look out and see the entire city. It is absolutely beautiful. But for a moment we just stood there in awe at the majestic beauty we so easily take for granted and almost simultaneously I could feel that we connected on a level that brought our friendship even closer (:

I feel like this day was just filled with wonderful works of nature and I am so happy to have acknowledged it.

So around 8PM I watched So You Think You Can Dance, a show that I am TOTALLY hooked on!, and every single time I watch that show I feel so calm and relaxed. And I am proud to say that I truely have an obsession with dance! I mean I am just a fan of free expression and diversity. I feel that in a past life I must have been a hippie or some sort of artistic radical activist because I feel so much passion for the freedom of expression through means of profound art.
And I must say I have the HUGEST crush on choreographer Mia Michaels XD. She is sooo amazinggg to me!

One of her pieces that truely blew me away last year was the contemporary piece she did with Joshua and Katee for Adele's Hometown Glory->


SIMPLY AMAZING wouldn't you agree?

Ahh anyways I'm feeling so good right now, and even through the rain I smile because I allowed myself to see past the storm and fully appreciate the beauty that lingers afterwards!

Guess this is all for now (:
Much love and peace

sooo. . .sup ? X]

So, I'm kind of new to this (:
But my gooooooddd friend started up a blog and I guess I just wanted to follow in her footsteps. (Yes I'm talking bout you dear husband CMHA XD)

Anyways, so i wanted to get an opportunity to just write down some of my thoughts and emotions.

Earlier today I happened to read some old e-mails and I came across some from my first girlfriend, and it kind of sent me through memory lane. I felt a rush of past emotions mixed with a bit of regret. See I kind of cheated on her, and I would constantly take "breaks" from the relationship to find myself hoping that I could just get it together and stop with my straying ways. But every time I got close to her again I just pulled away, and I guess I hurt her pretty badly. But at the time I was oblivious to it. X/ The truth is that I really loved her, according to my definition of teenage love. But all i know is that if after all these years I still think of her than she was someone who played a MAJOR part in my life.

Ahh, I just don't seem to understand why I'm so terrible with relationships. It's something that I genuinely struggle with. I don't mean to project my weakness on the web like this but I just need to express that I long for a meaningful and lasting relationship, but with my impulsive personality it is extremely difficult for me to maintain one. Not to mention the fact that I get bored quickly and i tend to stray when i get a little insecure. And it's much easier to not have to face my consequences.

It's frustrating when I'm smart enough to acknowledge my problems but ignorant to the solution. X/

I'm simply trying to look at it as a part of my growth. I have a quote on my wall that says "Live with the questions now, and gradually without knowing you will live your way to the answer." and I'm trying to view life in that positive way.

So i guess this is all for now, and I feel GREAT having expressed this. I want to thank my dear husband for introducing me to this blog business lol
I think I'm about to become a regular on this (: