So, I'm kind of new to this (:
But my gooooooddd friend started up a blog and I guess I just wanted to follow in her footsteps. (Yes I'm talking bout you dear husband CMHA XD)
Anyways, so i wanted to get an opportunity to just write down some of my thoughts and emotions.
Earlier today I happened to read some old e-mails and I came across some from my first girlfriend, and it kind of sent me through memory lane. I felt a rush of past emotions mixed with a bit of regret. See I kind of cheated on her, and I would constantly take "breaks" from the relationship to find myself hoping that I could just get it together and stop with my straying ways. But every time I got close to her again I just pulled away, and I guess I hurt her pretty badly. But at the time I was oblivious to it. X/ The truth is that I really loved her, according to my definition of teenage love. But all i know is that if after all these years I still think of her than she was someone who played a MAJOR part in my life.
Ahh, I just don't seem to understand why I'm so terrible with relationships. It's something that I genuinely struggle with. I don't mean to project my weakness on the web like this but I just need to express that I long for a meaningful and lasting relationship, but with my impulsive personality it is extremely difficult for me to maintain one. Not to mention the fact that I get bored quickly and i tend to stray when i get a little insecure. And it's much easier to not have to face my consequences.
It's frustrating when I'm smart enough to acknowledge my problems but ignorant to the solution. X/
I'm simply trying to look at it as a part of my growth. I have a quote on my wall that says "Live with the questions now, and gradually without knowing you will live your way to the answer." and I'm trying to view life in that positive way.
So i guess this is all for now, and I feel GREAT having expressed this. I want to thank my dear husband for introducing me to this blog business lol
I think I'm about to become a regular on this (:
About Me
- musicfiendxd
- A cool mellow chick who is in love with music and people with a great sense of humor XD A high school graduate about to do great things in college. Quite unquie but you'll learn to love it (:
lol, ur welcome honey!
ReplyDeleteI'm definetly following you as soon as I finish sending this comment X]
Anywho, were sooo in the same boat. I think I told you that before though Mrs. Me Too. But everything comes with time. When your ready to settle, you will.
Sooo, love you and write some more so I can be in your business KkK. XD